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How soon is now?

Ok. I'm a generally happy person. I rarely get really upset over stuff. Usually when something bothers me it's pretty serious. Like if i have a crush on someone i can't be with. but more on that later.

Now, while i'm a happy person, and make jokes all the time, i do have a serious side. I can listen to people when they need someone to rant to. Or just a shoulder to cry on. Really.

But what i can't take is if it happens every night from the same person. Something recently like this happened. It took me a while to deal with it(and it wasn't really even me until our "moderator" of sorts told us to deal with it). Don't worry, it's no one you guys know.

So now that that's dealt with(...i'm so vague). Back to the crush thing.

So i've told a lot of people i know that i'm bi. Finally, slowly but surely coming out. Telling people that I like men more(while it's true). But what most people don't think about when people are bi is how much it can worsen your chances as it can better them. I.e falling for a gay guy or straight girl. I've fallen for a gay guy. Now a straight girl. No one you guys know.

It...hurts more. Because it's more acceptable for a girl to fall for a gay guy. Even though she can't be with him, it's ok because at least she's straight. But if a girl falls for a straight girl, it gets even more awkward. Not just between the girl and the straight girl, but between the girl and the straight girl's friends. At least i think so. I could be totally imagining things. As I always do.

Every time i see her, think about her, talk to her, i get happy, excited, and sad at the same time. It's very bittersweet.

But here's the thing. When i fell for that gay guy a few years ago, and i told him, he treated me like complete shit. Lying to me. Claiming i was stalking him if i said "hello" to him in the hallway. What the fuck.

I'm afraid that if i tell her, she'll treat me the same way. I don't want that. Not again. I can't end up hating everyone i fall for in life, can i? Men or women. Not everyone is that cruel. Are they? Will i end up hating everyone i fall for and if it doesn't work out? I don't want to be bitter when i get old. I don't want to hate. I don't. As cliche as it sounds, and i don't give a fuck if it does, i'll just be numb with anger. I want to feel again. That time i fell for the gay guy made me numb afterwards. I'm just beginning to feel again. Please. I can't lose that again.
SO. I saw The Dark Knight finally.


It was awesome. But.

I want to cosplay the Joker. Just so i can act crazy and junk. Just imagine ordering food like that.

So adding that to my list of cosplays:

The 10th Doctor
Zell Dincht
or Quistis Trepe from final fantasy 8
Link, from Wind Waker
Elliot Reid from Scrubs(no wig!)
A school uniform version of Zuko. White shirt, red tie, black pants.
Guybrush Threepwood(from the monkey island games. But the Curse of Monkey island version).

So this:

Oh. and i cut my hand doing the dishes the other night(it wasn't deep, thank god)


Oh, and because i went to the music store and looked at DJ stuff...I'm super excited now on being a DJ.....just gotta get some used stuff and experiment with it.

Oh, and Venus and I are starting a Zelda/FF band. We came up with a name, and it sounds awesome, but we're all like: not sure if peeps will get it. Here it is:

Highwinds of Hyrule.



Laura's partay.

ok so.

Just got back from Laura's birthday/going away party. It started yesterday at 1. LOL.

So way back in the middle of July, Venus and I decided to Rick roll Laura. I'd play guitar, and Venus would sing(everyone else joined in).

But more on the Rick Roll later(omg i was so nervous for that. like seriously).

So anyway. Laura was turnin' the big 2-0. And as i said repeatedly, it was like turning 10, but with a 2 instead of a 1. LOL. And she's going to Japan for her fall semester fo' college. So we were celebrating that too.

um. shit. i forget a lot of what happened.

OH. there was this video. some jdrama or something. And it was about this japanese girl in new york and barely spoke any english(well, she did. but not very well. it was so funny and adorable). She asked this guy how to get to a certain part of the city(they don't specify), and he's like: how do you want to get there? walking *does a walking impression* train? *pretends like hes on a train* or bus? *pretends like he's driving a bus* And the girl is like: "I AM BUS!" and he's like: what the shit? JESUS CHRIST.

and so she's on the ground all distraught and junk. and this BLACK ASS MOTHER FUCKER who is so black that he blends in with his jacket, he comes up all creepy and shit behind her, and just steals her back. And she's all *THIEEF! in japanese*. so then she runs in an alley way. and these other black guys are like: WHAT THE FUCK YOU DOIN' HERE? YOU FROM JAPAN? (it would've been funnier if they said "jay-pan") and one of the black guys had a blasket ball and hit her with it.

lol i didn't explain that well at all. but it was hilarious.

Anyway, later, to the rick roll. I'm like: Laura, i'm playing simple and clean, and that got her attention, so she came over, and Venus and i Rick rolled her it was AWESOME.

Then after a while Venus and I just kinda did an improv Zelda band thingy. It was also awesome. until i didn't know what to play. XDDDD

Then we watched Harold and Kumar. Which was HILARIOUS. OMG. Like seriously. I'm so speechless i can't even...omg.

Then everything was a blur after that. lol this is such a great journal. i mean, it's like. i remember EVERYTHIGN :D.

then we went to bed at like 1. But didn't actually fall asleep until 4. We(me, venus, Adrienne, Erica and Laura...well...Laura was just OUT. like seriously) were talking for three hours about random shit. Which i thought they said Sean preston(britney sprears' kid) but they said Sean Ashton. or w/e his name was. Guy who played Sam in LOTR.

Ok, Adrienne and Erica shared a bed, Venus, Laura and I shared hers. I was in the middle.

But sometime during the middle of the night, they started like...rubbing up against me. Both of them before that were trying not to for obvious reasons. But then for some reason, AT THE SAME TIME, they just start doing weird shit. not like molesting, but it was just weird. Venus was all *buttrub* and Laura was all *touchy-feely*. So i was all: D: I CAN'T MOVE.

then i laughed.

that's about it.

lol i'm such a chicken.

So i went to the dentist today to get a cavity filled. But it was in the back of my mouth D:

So. Problems with that: I'm afraid i gag easily, and i'm afraid of throwing up(stupid fear, LOLOLLOL) So with all this stuff in the back of my mouth i'm all: D:

Normally I don't mind getting cavities filled. Except when they're in the back like that D:>

So the dentist reccomended this guy who puts you to sleep for cavities. So i'm like: YAY.

That's all.


I have to get foot surgery.

Let's go back to the beginning of this lulzy story(no seriously. it's hilarious)

So, back in January, i'm playing hacky sack in gym. and i land weirdly and i hear a loud crack. It hurts to walk on my right foot after that, but not so much that i think it's broken.

So 6 months later to now:

I went to the foot doctor today...

I HAZ A BUNION(which my dad and i originally thought was just a really bad callus) : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Hammerzehen-vorher.jpg (This isn't my personal x ray. but basically looked like mine. It's only in my right foot).

I'ma need surgery. Shaving off parts of the bone(that gives me chills just thinking about it), then repositioning the bone. I'LL BE A CRIPPIE FOR...however long.

Ya'll better push me over in my crutches/wheel chair depending on what i need. It'll be lulzy. To me anyway. :P

But seriously, to me this is hilarious. I have to get surgery because of playing hacky sack. OF ALL SPORTS/GAMES. XDDDDD

New cosplay plans, OMG.

Hokay, so.

Here are the costumes i want to do for the next con i go to(in no particular order)

Wind Waker Link
The 10th Doctor
And, what i like to call "Avatar boarding School Uniform" It's based off this drawing:

i'm gonna do a Zuko version of this. Just gotta get a white shirt and a red tie(and sew a fire nation symbol on it).


Venus told me to do this. The little ho.

More like whipped me. Whipped me something bad D: I CAN'T SIT DOWN VENUS. THANKS. D:

One True Pairing Ship:
Canon Ship:
"If this happens I'll stab my eyes out with a spork" Ship:
"You are one sick bastard" Ship:
"I dabble a little" Ship:
"It's like a car crash" Ship:
"Tickles my fancy but not sold just yet" Ship:
"Makes no canon sense but why the Hell not" Ship:
"Everyone else loves it but I just don't feel it" Ship:
"When all is said and done" Ship:

The joke behind this is that since I went to Florida for Metrocon, and Florida's kinda at the bottom of the U.S. and I cosplayed Zuko...He bottoms everyone.


So. Metrocon is a fucking sexilicious-bootylicious fantastic-orgasmic, OMG!con. Seriously.

But lets start at the very beginning. A very good place to start(when you read you begin with...? Lol enough Sound of music geekery).

So, the reason i went down to Florida for a con is because of an internet meetup for a forum. A teen titans forum to be exact(Beast boy and Raven shipping forum). So we go for 5 days(the 17th-21st...today). And an interesting note, since Avatar was showing new epiodes all week(well the new one for me would start at Southern Raiders, the ep that aired on the 17th). I was like: sweet, I'll watch it in the hotel room. So we get to the room, and my mom's all like: oh no ocean view(cause it's on a Marina). So she makes us switch rooms. Lol, silly mom. I'm not complaining about the new room, the new room had a fantastic view. I'm just teasing her.

Anyway, so we get to the room, oh...around 6:30-7 PM. Beautiful room, fantastic beds. Like, probably impossible to have sex on(you'd fall asleep) So after we settle in and put the bags down, I turn the TV on to find Nick.

It wasn't there. No nick D: No southern Raiders. No FINALE. D: So i'm like: Oh crap. Which was my exact reaction. But then i start laughing. Because, a fantastic hotel, good pool, huge bathroom, exellent beds, right near the convention center....but no Nick. So i'm like: "Oh geez, this is like something out of family guy. Like Peter would go to some craptastic hotel 10 miles down the road to get nick." And then i laughed hysterically.

But the Con made up for it. By ALOT.


My mom and I ate at this place across the bridge that had a FANTASTIC burger. Cheddar and Onion burger. Cheddar cheese on an Onion roll. It gave a new flavor to the Burger, and it was...AMAZING. Then, walking back to the hotel, we see these signs for a Red bull "Flugtag" thing for saturday. Right after that we see a screen that shows us what it is. It's basically that thing that they push weird floats/planes off of a pier into the water. So. That's thursday.

Oh, and apparently, I got eyed by 30 year old men because of what i was wearing that day(A tank top and shorts. I'm not that booby so...dunno what they were looking at. O.o


So, my friend Sam(from the boards that I actually met last year) saw my Zuko cosplay from AnimeNEXT last month and decided to go as FireNation!Katara, since she's a hardcore Zutarian(I'm an open shipper, personally. Some I ship for the Lulz). And her sister cosplays Firenation!Toph. So, lots of fire nation stuff going on. So my mom and I get there, and get our badges, then we find Sam and Mindy and Chelsea from the forum. And Sam brought her friend...or her sister's friend...either way, her name was Lisa, and she's awesome. We bonded over Mission hill, this old cartoon show. Long story.

So, then, this is where the con makes up for it. There's an Avatar Panel on saturday(i'll get to later), And on Friday AND saturday, there was a Avatar: Tournament of the Elements. Which i found out from Avatar Cosplayers. And if you cosplay avatar, you KNOW not a lot of people cosplay it at cons(unless it's like Otakon maybe). But at this con. Oh my FUCKING god. There was EVERYONE. Every fucking character on Avatar. I'll list it: AANG(bald season 3 one), KATARA(seasons 1 and 3), SOKKA(Piandao, but a variation of it, so it was water tribe Piandao looking), TOPH(season 2 and 3, but i LOVED the season 2 one in the avatar tournament thing), ZUKO(like my costume, but a future version, so Zuko had a Top-knot), Azula, 2 Ty Lees, 2 Mais, 2 Irohs(one made tea. OMFG. I had some), a Roku, Aunt Wu, Yue, The Blue Spirit, Zhao, Hakoda, Swamp Benders, FUCKING FOAMY WHO ACTUALLY FOAMED, The painted lady, SPARKY SPARKY BOOM MAN, A hippie chick(omg awesome), Piandao, Long Feng, Smellerbee, Suki....I can't remember anything else.

So the avatar: tournament of the elements thing was awesome. It basically took place 5 years after avatar ends. And for some reason, people can't bend. So Yue comes out of no where, and is all: "We need one Element to beat the other three in a tournament" So Aang was all alone, LOL. Katara was all: "I want to help Aang" and Yue was all: "SHUT UP BITCH!" So aang could get spirits to help him instead. So avatar Roku came out. And that's when Foamy stood up, looked at Aang, looked at Roku, and Foamed at the mouth. Like for serious. Someone had to clean it up. And the painted lady. So then they had drums going during all the fights. Then when...someone was fighting someone else, the blue spirit comes out. And Zuko's all like: *points at self* Isn't that supposed to be me? And then The blue Spirit takes off the mask, and it's ZHAO. FUCKING ZHAO. OMG. That guy looked like fucking Hugh Jackman. I fangasm'd.

So, more battles later, You get the feeling Yue isn't who she says she is. And she wasn't, she was Azula. And i forget what happened after that, but then they were all, "COME TO AZULA'S FIRE SHOW LATER!" I'm like: WHAT? AVATAR? FIRESHOW? So there. So Zhao comes up to me and is all panting and angry and shit and comes RIGHT UP TO MY FACE and is like: JOIN OUR NATION! And i can't think of anything to say, so i'm like:...ZHAO. BREATH MINT. But he held his character, so props to him. Sam(Katara) waved at Hakoda and was all: Daddy! And that Hakoda was awesome.

Oh, So since Sam is a hardcore Zutara shipper, she made me do poses. I bottomed, as a true Zuko does. It was Lolarious. I have no pictures right now though.

Anyway, so later we remember that Greg Cipes(the Voice of Beast boy) is at Metrocon, so we're all, OMFG, LETS GO. So we do, and meet him(sounds just like Beast boy), and his band, awesome band, btw. We saw them later that day. I bought a ton of merchandise from them. And got a poster and shirt signed by the band. YAY. :D

Greg Cipes is Fucking hot.

Later, Hakoda's walking by, and Sam's like: DADDY, COME HERE! Sam and I were preparing a little thing for Hakoda, I was gonna propose to Katara in front of him. Which we did. And he was all, "Are you worthy enough for my daughter?" and I'm like: "Yes i am!" He takes a step forward with his spear, "Then you shall have to fight me" I just ran and went: "SCREW YOU, BITCH" and sam laughed.

OMG. I'm such a ho, i kept making Yo momma comments to Sam. I'm like: "Katara's mom, has got it goin' on....oh WAIIIT." And, "GO CRY TO YOUR MOM KATARA, OH WAIT."

OMG, best thing ever: Sam runs into the men's room screaming: "I'M A MAN" but then runs back out, head down. So we're all like: wtf, mate? Apparently, when she did that, some guy was using the urinal. And she saw his penis. And he was all: O.o?

Anyway, the fire show on friday i didn't get to see much of cause we got there late. So, ONTO SATURDAY(there was a rave Friday, but we didn't go). But before i left, i met some awesome peeps. (One girl's name was Raquel. BEST FUCKING NAME EVER. And i thought she was older than me, but she was only 15. I lol'd when i found out.)

CATURDAY. I mean Saturday

Ok, Saturday, Pretty much the same awesomeness as friday, so I'll talk about my adventures in the Dealers room for all three days here.

So i bought a TON OF SHIT. Like seriously. Zelda pins, Kingdom Hearts necklaces, a shirt that said "Don we now our Gay apparel" in rainbow letters.(bought it cause Christmas is awesome, and I'm bi like that, so.). And HOLY SHIT, A YU YU HAKUSHO WALL SCROLL. *bought*. And there was a Dalek, but it was mad expensive. And I actually bonded with a fellow cosplayer over that Dalek, but more on that later.

I bought the FFXI soundtrack. It's the only one i don't have. And it was pretty Cheap, all things considered.

...I bought the Master Sword. And Lisa wanted me to get the shop keep to say: "Here, it's dangerous to go alone. Take this." But i forgot. And the shop keep thought I looked 14. LOL.

I bought some gifts for my friends(Laura and Venus. You'll get them soon :D. Plus a B-day present for you, Laura, which i hope you like.)

I got Hitsugaya's Captain's Haori(that white thing he wears. Cause i love Hitsugaya and want to cosplay him eventually), one, because it was cheaper than the other ones that were made poorly. Some Nintendo magnets(zelda, mario, etc). Some nintendo Key chains. A Mini Wind waker Link.

OH SHIT. Final fantasy IV FIGURES. Mini ones, but still. FINAL FANTASY FUCKING FOUR. Btw, there were FFIV cosplayers too. I recognized the Tellah. I was like: OMG, YOU'RE FROM FFIV. But i blanked on the name for like 5 seconds. And there was an Edward. But anyway, the figures. I got all six(Cecil, paladin version, Kain, Rosa, Edge, Cid, and Rydia. I have doubles of Kain and Cid).

So later there was the fire show again. Which i saw it in it's entirety. But before i got into detail about it... http://youtube.com/watch?v=0vHlsO_6WSY

That's the hippie i think. But there should be a better quality video up later. Dunno when though.

So before the fire show, i went outside to eat my little snack(skittles and coke, LOLSUGAR). And i met a guy with the Oblivion symbol/Daedric "O" tattooed on his leg(it's from Elder Scrolls Oblivion), so we were talking about that for like 20 minutes an how much replay value the game has(which it DOES. After you finish the main quests, you could be playing that game for a year, thats how much shit is in that game).

Speaking of Elder scrolls, i geeked out after I saw a box of crackers that said "Breton" on it. As Breton is a race of half-elves in the game. So they gave me the box after i asked to take a picture of it.

So anyway, back outside, i met these other people because we bonded over how the Flugtag people were being assholes to the cosplayers(which they were. Apparently, they pushed a 5 year old down the stairs. Drunk assholes). And the thing is, they were drinking alcohol in the con center, which a sign at ALL THE ENTRANCES clearly stated "NO ALCOHOL BEYOND THIS POINT". Some of them made fun of the cosplayers(i ignored them, others antagonized them). Other people where really nice about it though and didn't know what the con center was for and why people were dressed up.

So the people i meet, one of them is an L and i forget what the others were, but we bonded until the fire show, and hung out until they had to leave.

The Fire show:

After fire one the avatar tournament, the characters are all like: lets all bend fire!. So they do. and it was awesome.

It starts off with Iroh going like: Do you know why they call me the Dragon of the west? And he breathes fire. :D

Then there were fire swords, whips, giant ear cleaners on fire(or that's what it looks like. Some type of staff anyway).

Then when Azula and Ty lee go, after a while, Azula's like: You know, this unity thing isn't doing it for me, and starts a fight with Ty lee.

Then when Toph comes on. OMFG. She's all like: "What kind of form is that? A platypus bear form?" *Does a gay dance* and she goes on and on. Then the swamp bender fire bends with the staff thingy against the painted lady. And i forget the rest.

After the fire show, when Zuko mentions Mai, everyone's like: "Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!" And they do. Then the next person was Ty lee, and Zuko put his hand up to his ear, waiting for the same thing. THEN, when it gets to the Swamp guy(who was actually married to Azula in real life....awww), everyone's like: KISS KISS KISS! again, and they did. LOL.

So after that, Everyone gets to meet and greet the firebending avatar cosplayers. So when Zuko's talking to one person, Mai comes up to him and wraps her arms and legs around him. Katara walks by and I'm like: "Katara, what do you think of that?" And She's like: "Well..." And doesn't finish because Toph comes up and wraps her legs around Katara's waist, and I Fangasm and laugh hysterically.

Also. MARCO POLO IN THE CON CENTER. EL OH FUCKING EL. No seriously. That was hilarious. EVERYONE DID IT.

So i bonded with a girl(her name's Emily. Coincidentally, i met a girl named Emily at AnimeNEXT. One Emily per month, LOL). So we talked about Manga, Anime, Super serious stuff, Lulzy stuff(she was cosplaying Yuki on Saturday, and Alice Cullen from Twilight on sunday. to which i Fangasmd. Even though I'm getting sick of Twilight a little, I still love Alice.

So, we were all supposed to go to the rave, but the DJ was late. Like the kind of "Oh my god, I hope I'm not pregnant" Kind of late(1 and a half hours. So 1:30 am). So Sam and Co leave and i'm talking to the Teabending! Iroh and Toph until they leave, and then i go to wait in line for the rave, and i ravebended for an hour and a half. and it was AWESOME. Can't wait for the next con i go to for 3 days so i can rave again. I got back to the hotel at 3 am and just crashed and slept.


Ah, Sunday. Right before Funday.

There was nothing much to do today, so i'm like: "ok Sam and everyone, i'ma go walk around, you guys do what you want to do." Which i did, and hung out with the peeps i met yesterday. Hannah(the L i met on saturday) and her friends had to leave at like 1 pm cause they lived in Georgia. So then i met up with Emily in the autograph line(for Jonny Yong Bosch, Scott Mcneil and Greg Ayres(who i didn't know was a DJ so i'll fan girl about that). Emily cosplayed Alice so i was all, so when was your last feeding? and she was all *Attack my neck*.

Then after the con ended, i went swimming.

OMG, i bought the best art in the artist's alley. OMG. It's just...i can't even describe how funny one of them is.

I want to cosplay Wind Waker Link(mainly because, It's adorable, and because Venus and I want to do a Zelda band. :D)

And i really want to cosplay the 10th Doctor. Like hardcore.

oh, and here's the most retarded part of the weekend.



Con report done.



So, there's this record exchange store near where i live, and i've been dying to go for the past few months or so(i didn't want to go into the city just for that reason). So on the 4th we went to a restaurant, and i was like, "since we're here, lets go to the record exchange store" And we did.

AND IT WAS AWESOME. That place would be my summer dream job. If they were hiring. And i knew more about music.

So, anyway, i went there friday, and bought 4 cds for 36 bucks. Awesome. I was looking for some Duran Duran, and i found one, but it turned out to be some band called Arcadia. Which is actually essentially Duran Duran minus one person. So i bought that, i haven't gotten the chance to listen to it yet. And i also picked up the first Smashing Pumpkins album, Gish. So i'll also listen to that later. Then, i bought an Erasure hits compilation(because the 80s, like the 90s, are awesome). And then a Depeche Mode Singles collection from 1986-1998. That was good. Nice single versions on this.

Then today, i went to the store again. Because i'm a music whore.

I bought: Paramore's "All we know is falling" their first album(kinda hard rock). The first Duran Duran album(80s), Dave Gahan of Depeche Mode's "Hourglass"(like Depeche Mode, dark and electronic), Fiona Apple's "Tidal"(90s. awesome).. And later i went to best buy and picked up Katy Perry's "One Of The Boys"(pop-rock? Sure. But it's awesome).

So hopefully these nine CDs will keep me busy for a while. *crosses fingers*


The World

Ok here we go.

Lately, i've been thinking. With all the problems in the world(Genocide in Darfur, AIDS, running out of oil, climate change, etc), what are we doing about them?

Nothing. We're doing absolutely nothing, and it scares me. We're procrastinators, so we're not going to do anything about it until it's too late. Our generation has been forced to grow up faster than other generations preceding us. We're running out of oil, and we're not finding a new energy source, we're just sucking the one we have right now dry. And we're hogging it from the rest of the world. Darfur? We're not doing anything there because there's nothing there for us in return. And that's sad. Why do we need leverage to help people in need? "What's in it for me?" is the motto of this world we live in today.

I'd like to think i understand the world, being a teenager and all, but i don't. I'm only 18. What do i know about the rest of the world? I've lived in the same towns for the past 18 years. Only experienced things in these towns for that amount of time. So what can i do? I feel powerless.

I'm also afraid for my future, because i'm going to college, which leads to a career, but with the world in the state it is today, what am i going to choose? Back in the day, all you had to think about is what career you wanted to do. Now you need to think: is it environmentally friendly? I have to choose something environmentally friendly. I want to be a musician, but i don't think i'll be able to be one because when you use electricity(i.e guitars and amps and turn tables) you use oil. So i'll have to choose a job thats good for the environment. which is ok, but i don't want to end up with a crappy job that i hate.

i want to do what i love.

Music. I live it, i breathe it, it goes through my ears, it pumps through my veins, through my heart, to my lungs, and out my mouth, in my brain, to my hands, my feet, it's in my very soul now. it's a part of me, and a part i'm not willing to let go of. No, i won't let go. I can't. Without it, what do i have? Nothing. Without it, the world to me is a boring place. A place without color.

Sure i like English and Psychology/Sociology and Comedy, but without music, what do i do? Yeah, there's art which paints the world in various shades of color to describe feelings, a person, etc. writing which describes thoughts, emotions, states of mind, a lover, a lost brother, etc. And music which allows our ears to listen to stories told by the notes written on the page. The last one i need, its the only way i can express myself. Writing and art, as much as i like them, are too obvious. I can't write my feelings down easily. Because then if people see it, they know. And i don't want everyone to know. I don't know. It's complicated. Same with art.

I guess i needed to get this out. And i rambled a bit. Oh well.